Reality
You're 17 it's time to grow
Gotta face the world in less than 7 months
Life's hard
You're in the real world now
Welcome to reality
Here there's no gravity
Only tests and trails that are pass or fail
You're in the real world now
You're no longer a kid
Gotta act your age
17 on the brink of being an adult
Close to college gonna graduate soon
Failing a class
One you gotta pass
Gotta get your act together
You can't even drive
How you gonna get to a job
Why you gotta cling to the past
You're in the real world now
Welcome to reality
Where there's no gravity
Gotta hold your own
And learn to survive
Stop dwelling on the past
It's eating you alive
You're losing yourself
But you gotta stay strong
You're in the real world now
Everybody pushing you
Never good enough for mama
Not the daughter she wanted
Too independent and childish
Feeling lost never found
Resentment from the past
The lies are never good enough to last
Your life's filled with false hope and empty promises
How could you think that was gonna change
That's how it's always been
You're in the real world now
No gravity to keep you on the ground
You can't fall apart
No room for tears
No room for fears
Gotta be a big girl
Gotta hold your own
Can't always depend on daddy to see you through
You're in the real world now
You're facing reality everywhere you turn
Regretting the time you wasted living in fear of the monster who haunted you
You hate her now
Wish she was gone
Lost yourself for so long
Got so much resentment
And bitter anger
That you don't know how to let go of
You're trying not to crash and burn
Losing them is just another lesson to learn
But you got someone who needs you now
You can't just leave and take a bow
Gotta face reality
You're in the real world now
In reality
No escape with no gravity
Following a path that's hard to get back
Working to forget your dreadful past
Losin people guess that's life
Because you're in the real world now
And there's no escape from your destiny
Time to grow up
Time to be an adult
Time to let go of the past
And turn your shitty life around
Time to fight
Time to love
Time to prove your better than they think
Time to be good just for you
Time to fight for a time or two
Time to make a better way
Time to be who you've always wanted to be
Because Marcia You're in the real world now

"You become what rumors make you when you begin to believe it's true...." - Marcia Kay

safe
Falling
Crashing
Burning
Crying
Slipping
Dying
Sitting here thinking what is there to do
Feel hopelessly lost
I don't feel safe
I can't feel safe
Listening
Waiting
Begging
Wishing
For relief that just won't come
For safety from this tornado of emotions
I don't feel safe
I can't feel safe
Searching
Trying
Working
Fighting
Standing
Thinking
What to do? Where to go? I don't even know
I'm so deep in this I need a way out
Away from these emotions and this pain
I don't feel safe
I can't feel safe
Running
Sprinting
Trying to fly
Wondering why me?!
This array of emotions that have come back to haunt me
I don't know what to do
I don't feel safe
I can't feel safe
My safety is gone
So far away
And  now I'm gone with it
I'm no longer safe.....
I'm a shell filled with pain
Breaking and burning
So on it goes
And falls away......
There goes my safe
I'm no longer safe
I can't be safe
I can't be saved.......
Out........

"Love is Eternal. At times it is Eternal suffering and at others, it is Eternal bliss" ~Lady Kay

Words spoken by me!  Remember this quote!  

Broken hearts and compllications
You've had a broken heart right?
You've cried for someone you loved
You have broken yourself for their benefit
You've fallen in love and wished it would never end.
You've had it all turn bad
Had it die and you've had to cry
Welcome to the story of my broken heart
To the complications of my life
You know I've only really fallen completely once
I had my heart broken by that person
I loved him so much
He played me in the end
He denied me every right that comes with the end
So I became bitter and I hated myself for so long
Then I found you....
You saved me from the nightmare of my broken heart
You held me when I needed you most
You loved me when I felt so alone
In your strong arms I have found my home
Never did I dream I would be so lucky
As to find you
I love you so much
Much more than I did him
You just need to understand with you I will never skim
I'll love you forever
For as long as I can
I won't hold back
I'll tell you everything
Show you the dark world I live in
Let you see the pain in my heart
Show you how we being to start again
Unlike the end
This is not the end
No it is us forever
Just you and me
I've had so much pain
Cried so many tears
You have helped to calm my fears
It's hard to find that in someone I love
I really do feel as if I could soar
Like I could take your hand and we could fly away from this pain
From the bitter consequence
I love you so much I hope you know that
You are so important to me so precious!
This is the point
I love you my star
You found me at last and now I'll go far
One day we will face the demons in my life
We'll face them and win and bury the strife
It's just you and me
For as far as I can see
I love you forever
Farewell, I'll let you go never!

Have  you ever loved another and thought that it was real
Felt like this love was the only love you could feel
It felt so perfect so right and so true
Like without that person you don't know what you would do
It's like it's perfection like it's out of this universe
Like the love is so meant to be and not preverse
But then something goes wrong like you knew it would
And you cry and you cry cause you think you should
You tell yourself it's your fault when you got played
You cry and you cry and let you emotions be displayed
It breaks you inside and you slowly decay
You feel like you'll never again see a sunny day
In the emotional world that you live in
You don't understand why this chance you were given
The chance to give your heart to someone who didn't deserve it
Someone who broke your heart and covered your face with their spit
This is the path you chose the one you will always regret
It is also now a path you will never forget
You gave that unsuspecting idiot your pure heart
You know inside that move was never smart
You saw from the beginning the relationship would fail
Yet you entered anyway and now you are so frail
So worn down so hurt and so sensitive
Now this damn mistake will always be what's figuratiive
About your failure to see the truth
It puts you right back to where you were sufferin in your youth
You cry and cry inside you die for the person that you never should have trusted your heart to
Now this damn mistake, this person you will always see as askew
You will always regret the love you once shared
Forever will you regret that you ever cared
You need to grow up and let this go
You need to just take the damn thing and throw
It as far as you can away from you
Having all this negativity will never do
It will only hurt you in ways you can't imagine
That pain is something even you can't fathom
You don't understand cause you are so gripped
By this anger that losing them has ripped
Through your heart through your soul, all this hate
What you really need to do is celebrate
You need to understand that holding on to this will continue to break you
You need to find a way not to see this askew
You need to be who you really are and just forgive
For once you have given this forgiveness you will finally be able to live
You need to stop living in the past
There's a reason it's called the past cause it will never last
I know it hurts to be the bigger person but it helps you
To grow to see things in the positive light only you do
You are so special to so many people you need to get that
You need to stop slapping them in the face and making the sound splat
Girl you need to grow up you are a woman now
You are a person and you have feelings unlike a cow
Be the strong woman I know you are
If you be that person in your life you will go far
Be a good girl and learn to cope with your mistakes
Let it go and stop causing yourself to have all these aches
You need to grow up and admit that you can be wrong
You've been living in fantasy for far too long
So come on chin up you don't know how your sadness affects them
If you continue to be sad you will condem their emotions
Be happy and affect them positively
Put on a smile and do it genuinely
Love with all you are, that you should never lose
Be a grown up and him forever choose
Time to go now you strong girl you need your rest
Just remember you do not always know best.

Life...
It likes to bite you in the ass
Sometimes in life you just don't pass
You get stuck on the run around
And it's hard to find stable ground
You try and try
And fail again
You wonder when it will ever end
You wait for life to get better still
You pray and hope that it will
You know that lifes a great big game
So why do you always play the same
Try to change the rules this time
Be compassionate and kind
This is me giving myself advice
Right now I'm so far gone I can't even see the light
I'm trying and failing to get through this patch
But on to my safe haven I just can't seem to latch
I love you so much
Your hands I just want to touch
To hold forever while I go through these hard times
At least I can still come up with rhymes
I'm having trouble letting this all go
If only someone knew
I'm trying and failing to make a sacrifice
It seems I've lost my lucky streak with lifes dice
I always wind up screwing up in the end
I feel like I'm a bad friend
It's hard at the moment to just get by
And so... I'll cry
My heart breaks a little more eachday
Still from him I do not want to stray
I've already lost love that way
This won't be a repeat of my bad history
What I have to do is no mystery
I have to suck it up and be an adult
I might not be ready but that's my own fault
It's time to grow up and stop being such a child
I just pray I don't go wild
Yes my childhood was stolen from me this much is true
But I will not let that ruin the love between me and you
Or the good friendship I have with her
I will not let this love I have within lose it's glowing light
Now I will fix this and let it shine!

mistakes
I live a life that is constant hell
And no one wants to wish me well
I act like I'm happy
In reality life is crappy
Constant stress, pain, heartache
This happy act I always have to fake
Inside I am dying
Crying and crying
I'm 17 and I've had a hard life
I've had to bury so much strife
I've had my heart broken left and right
Said so many awful things out of spite
I've burned bridges
Fallen off crumbling ridges
Lost people I truly loved
Been lied to when I was told I was beloved
I've died inside again and again
I still don't believe this emotional hell will ever end
I cry every night before I sleep
I have no sanity left to keep
I'm driving myself crazy
Holding onto maybe
Loving people who don't feel the same
I don't even know why I came
Why I try to be a friend
I wind up scarred in the end
My scars are so deep
Sometimes I think I would rather sleep
My dreams are so much better than reality
How is it that you see
Straight through the lies
To the pain in my eyes
My world is being flipped upside down
But you are my anchor to the ground
Never before have I been found
I was starting to doubt it would ever happen
Now these newly found wings I can finally start flappin
I've waited so long
Now I can finally be strong
I've been falling apart for so many years
I have shed trillions of tears
I have loved with no gain
For a long time my world has only seen rain
It's been crowded with clouds from pain of the past
I always thought the rain would forever last
I don't understand how you found me
How do you just see
I've fallen so much
Never had a crutch
I'm covered in scars
I've fought so many emotional wars
All alone in the past
Because I've been moving so fast
But with you it's different than all the rest
I really think this could be the best
Yes my life is constant emotional hell
But with you I can finally be well
I'm stressed all the time
Sometimes the pain covers me with a layer of brine
And it's hard for my light to shine
But the odd thing is that brine has gone
I'm no longer a helpless fawn
You have turned me into a bird that can sore
You see through my walls to my very core
As long as I live I swear this to you
Through you pain and fear I will always see you through
This I promise you tonight
To forevermore be your guiding light!

A mother passed on
A sister too
A daughter longing just to see life through
Without the pain of missing them so
She doesn't know which direction to go
She cries for her loss
Now she is the boss
She inherits a job she never wanted
I doubt she ever thought she would be so haunted

The more time goes by
She asks God why
Why did I lose them?
Now they'll never again say Je t'aime
I'll never again hear I love you from their lips
Even now as my eye drips
As I cry for the pain of losing them both.
Now I have been stunted in my growth
This lonely girl she cries at night
She is slowly losing her will to fight
There is so much sadness in her heart
She wonders how to start
Moving on with her life
Burying all the painful strife
When their hearts no longer beat in time
This wounded girl knows this is a fateful crime
They should not have died
That is why she cried
And continues to do so today
Since they are still gone away
She loves them both so very much
Their warm hands she longs to touch
To see them walking and alive
Their loss she still can not derive
They are gone and she has lost her strong will
On days like these she has to take an anxiety pill
This poor sad child she is falling apart
Separation from their love is breaking her already fragile heart
She knows in her heart they are in a better place
She prays their lives will not go to waste
She hopes to one day meet them again
Even now in her crumbling state
She know's this death is not the end!

Home
It's the place where we live
It's a place that we love
Home is where you grow up
It's where you raise your kids
And where you smile at a new day
It's the place that happiness never goes away
Sometimes that tends to change
Home can also be hell
It can make you afraid
For the people you live with can be the monsters in your life
It can scare you to death when you walk in the door
It all depends do you wind up on the floor?
Thrown there by someone who claims to love you
Do you get hurt by those who take care of you
I started out with a loving home
Then it turned into hell
Does anyone know what it's like
To be afraid of the home you love
Do you know what it's like to never be well
In the home you grow up in?
Have you ever had fear of being hit?
Has it ever been constant
Well for me it has
Welcome to my childhood story.

If you love in vain
It will only bring pain
In you love pure
You will always be sure
If you react in anger you are sure to get burned
And those scars will have been earned
If you move too fast
The relationship will not last
If you love another
Than from the one you are in a realationship with you will go farther
If you kiss someone and it is lust
Every kiss will fade to dust
If you build a foundation built on lies
The pain will be eminent in your eyes
You should smile when you can
And in your love you should never bend
Love with all you are
And you will always go far

Love for me is an infinite struggle
It's constant and aggravating
The difficulty comes with the pain I tolerate
Pain of losing people that I love
Missing them and wishing things were better
I drive myself nuts doing such things
It's almost like I perfer to suffer
But the  reality is I perfer not to let go
Life is painiful for me
It always has been
You know, and the thing is I'm just kind of used to it
To the pein and heart ache and the suffering
Heck, I expect it half the time
I expect the pain, the end of most of my relationships
That's why I struggle so much
Because most of the time I have no hope
No peace
No joy
And I always let the little things get to me
The anger of others the pain in their words
I always let what others think get to me
Because I care so much about people
I love so many
Even those that I shouldn't
And I fall easily
It's hard though to be in love with someone who doesn't love you back
In reality it is one of the worst fates that can ever befall you
Loving smeone with no return is one of the most painful things to do
It's worse than physical paiin because it hurts your heart
Not like a little bruise on your leg
More like a huge cut in your heart
This is how I live
Does anyone know how I can stop loving so much?

I sleep in silence
And eat alone
Sometimes I feel like an empty clone
I cry at times
I smile as well
My mood is often hard to tell
I'm a talented actress
I wear my act as well as I wear a dress
Honestly, in my life
I'm constantly having to bury strife
It's hard for me to tell sometimes
Harder than it is for me to find rhymes
The odd thing is it's not hard with you
I always seem to know what to do
You know how to make me smile
It's been such a long while
Since I've smiled with such conviction
Such joy in my eyes
I pray we never have to say our final goodbyes
I care so much about you
You are my shining star
Just know I am with you no matter where ever you are
I'm always with you deep inside your heart
It doesn't matter how far apart
How many miles separate us
All that matters is that our love will last
I'm so glad we aren't moving too fast
I love you so much
There aren't enough words
To describe how I feel
Most of the words I'd use aren't even real
So tonight I wanted to wish you well
And tell you that I will think of you as each day passes
You will be in my heart and on my mind
Til the end of this brief time
That we are apart
But you will forever be in my heart
Good night my love

Broken door a shattered wall
Still don't know why at all
Falling down a spiral of sadness
Only wantinig to feel gladness
Crying at night
Smiling by day
Putting on an act
Trying to get all of the facts
Loving people but loving him
Don't know what to do
Still missing you
Having the feeling you'll be coming around
Not knowing when and falling to the ground
Crying out my eyes
All of my goodbyes
Loving you so much
Feeling I'll never again touch
That special heart and soul of yours
Those ones that I never need tours of
I know you so well
Oh can't you tell
I wish and wait in bitter silence
For the day we will end this emotional violence
I love you still I know you know
So now farewell until you figure out how'
You're going to love me too
Without me breaking his heart because I chose you.

Sinking in the ocean deep
My sanity I can not keep
And so the past haunts me again
Until I meet my bitter end
Falling in love
And falling out
I wish I didn't have a single doubt
Pain and sorrow
Loving like there's no tomorrow
Slowing slipping
No longer gripping
The stronghold of mine that once stood
My life is no longer good
Everything is turning away
Man I wish I knew how to stay
Constant and the same
Always the same never to blame
I change too much
This is driving me nuts
Can not concentrate on anything but you
I don't know what the hell is left to do
I'm about to give up and just quit
Of this bull shit I am so sick
I need to be held and never let go
Sigh...
You must somehow know
I know you so much better than him
I swear I feel like I'm down to my bare skin
Naked from loneliness
From the deep pain inside
Man how I wish I had somewhere to hide
I swear one day I will end this tiff
And fix our love that has gone amiss.

Lost love
Bitter pain
Every word said in vain
Trapped dove
Within a cage
No longer turning page
Waiting for you
Painful as ever
Because you already told me never
Loving like there's no tomorrow
No more love for you left to borrow
Losing love
Missing you
Still don't know what to do
Found another and it's great
This time it is not fake
His claim he has started to stake
Needing a hug
But staying quiet
Feeling like I would if I were on a diet
Always hungry
Thirsting for more
Much more than ever before
Wanting him to hold me
No longer you
Damn it, this is exactly what you wanted me to do
You said you loved me
That it was forever
But truth is that it lasted never
I miss you still but love him more each day
I don't want this love to go away
I lost you once
I finally accept it
I'm done throwing a fit
It's a simple fact that now you are gone
So I have moved on
So confused
You have the soul
He has the memories
Which to choose?
I know them both so very well
Right now it is too soon to tell
I know you'll be coming back sometime soon
I just pray it isn't this afternoon
I've chosen him over you
You broke my heart
You lied when you said you'd always see me through
Tell me are you happy now?
I still don't see how
You could hurt me like that and just leave me behind
How you could be so unkind
I fought for you when everyone said I was wrong
I thought you were my ever lasting song
Why did you leave me
Why'd you let me go
Do you even know
You don't know my story
It shows there is no fury
If only you knew my only goal was protection
You might not fight
You might see that I'm right
Sigh
But no you chose to leave me alone
To face this year on my own
And so I have found another
One who is sweet and kind
One who always seems to read my mind
So I'll leave you with this sentiment of peace
Before I grant you your release
I'm no longer hooked on you
This is what I had to do
It's been one month and twelve days
Now it's time to let back in the suns rays
I'm done living in this dark prison cell
And so, in this life time I wish you well

To my Joseph with love

Love can be difficult this much is true
But it's never been difficult to love you
Sure we've only just met in this present lifetime
But we've known each other through lifetimes in the past
This time I think it's going to last
How this started long ago
I still do not know
What I know now is I finally found proof that my dreams are real
Now the love and shining light within me I can finally feel
I've been thinking so much lately and I'm scared of our fate
At the moment I'm afraid to date
I'm afraid I'm going to hurt you like I have all the rest
I really hope that with you I can be the best
Girlfriend possible, the best friend too
Joseph darling I want to make you the sunshine of my world
To my Joseph with love

I'm just worried I'm going to become a love sucking black hole again
That is something I do not want to refrain
I want our love to be my everlasting song
I want to sing of it my whole life long
Oh my dear
I'm glad I have you near
I'm still afraid I'll wind up breaking your heart
But that is not going to hold me at the relationship start
I don't want to be held back by my fear this time
I also don't want to move too fast
I want to take our relationship slow
And see all the places it will go
I want to love you for as long as I possibly can
I don't want it to end like last time when I ran
I love you dear I hope you know
I don't ever want to let you go
Away and leave me behind
That would be so unkind
I just found you again
My old friend
Please promise to keep me safe
That is my only wish
Please just keep me safe and don't let our love go amiss!

I' sorry for the pain that I've already put you through

There's gonna be times where I'm not there with you

I'm sorry for the tears that I may one day make you shed

I'm sorry for the words that I just should not have said

I know sometimes it might seem like I'm down on you

But baby always know if your in pain I'll see you through

I just need you to know that I'm always here

And that I'll help you through your every fear

So in the end I apologize if I ever do you wrong

But baby for your love I've waited so long

With you is where I'll always be

So maybe now, my love, is clearer to see

This is pure Nick Thomas not me! But I've had this saved and I thought would he really say something like that for me if he didn't care? And I wonder does it still apply deep down inside?

The urge to write has struck me again
So I shall begin
What shall I start with on this fair night
What trait shall I choose to be your define
How about those eyes
Ah the eyes
They are as brown as dark chocolate
Hmm what else can I say
Here's some food for thought
Not exactly something I have wrought
Those eyes of yours they stare into my very soul
I think that without you I may never again be whole
There is a part of me missing
That part belongs to you
And dismissing it is all you ever do
That right there what you hold captive from me
Is the best part of my heart
The most pure the most clean
The part that loves you
The part that is purely true
Tell me something Romeo
Would you like me to stay or would you like me to go
Oh Romeo
Tell me do you miss me at all
Does it matter that all I do now is fall
Seriously, you don't care at all?
I don't believe it I know you too well
I know you had to have fallen for me at some point
Weather you like it or not that doesn't just go away
Why won't you just sway
Back towards me where you belong
Our love was so strong
There has to be a part of you that misses me too
If not I don't know what I'm gonna do
Amour all I want is a simple hello
Why can't you just give that to me like a good fellow
I know you are still good
I don't know what I should...
If only you understood how insane I'm driving myself
I don't even recognize myself
I have let the loss of your love
Change me into something I am not
I'm so tired I can barely think
And I'm very close to the brink
To going insane
Going over the edge
Damn I'm so close to the ledge
Seeking comfort in someone other than you
All I see it as is askew
I wish you would talk to me
For so long I've been holding out
Now I have all kinds of doubt
I'm still falling down that crevice
I thought  I had a foothold a while ago
Seems I was wrong
I'm still hooked on you
Right now I just don't know what to do
How to get through this alone
With no one to hold my hand
Why won't you just understand
And now I'm crying over what I want from you
But what I know I'll never get because of the stupid things I do
So I'm gonna go to bed now
And cry myself to sleep
And pray to God that tonight
You don't grace my dreams
My heart just keeps on breaking
Being farther away from you
Dear God please help me
Because I don't know how to get through
I am letting your hatred destroy me
And I don't know how to stop
Good night Nick
I love you
But I don't matter
So I cry
And everyday more and more the inside of me dies.
If there was ever a time to comment on this blog now would be it

So at the moment I'm sitting on my bed thinking about Nick... Always thinking about him.  Love him with all that I am! sigh... Had a vivid dream this morning and woke up at 3:54 sigh couldn't get back to sleep still can't! Hmmm. Well this is my life I guess dreaming bout someone I'll never get back and praying one day the future will be brighter than the present! I'm going to attempt to write something but it might suck cause it's 5:40 and I've been up since 3:50.... Here goes
Dreamt of you this morning
Much more vivid than before
Dreamt that you came knocking
On my hearts closed door
Felt like crying when I woke up
Cause it made me sad cause we're still broken up
Sigh...
Man I wish these dreams would die
Why must it always be you
Why can't it be some other person
Man dreaming like this reminds me that you only see me as askew
That's all you seem to do
I really wish you would reminis
Man I always think of that one aggressive kiss
Sigh, Romeo
Why'd you have to go
Why did you leave me in the cold
Now I'm no longer bold
Romeo I miss you
I know I say this all the time but I do
So this is what I'll leave you with
I want to meet and end this tiff
Will you come to young life please
Don't worry I've got nothing to cease
I know I hurt you
Can I just say sorry
Please, Romeo I beg of thee
Please just let me have peace

I have hopeless faith in what we used to be
Sometimes I think I can swear I can see
The truth in why what we had died
Honestly there are so many tears I've cried
I fell for you, but it wasn't the same
Unlike my past loves it wasn't a game
My exes always used to take with no shame
They never did stake their claim
It was different with you than it was with all the rest
It really seemed like you were the best
The good thing to keep me in line
Our love seemed so divine
When we broke up there was a part of me that died
I've been trying so hard to get that part revived
There was a goodness in me that was showing through when I was loving you
How could I be so stupid as to let that become askew
I still regret everything I said that fateful day
Man how I wish I could have crushed my damned desire to stray
The thing is I'm not over it
Not even close yet
Honestly I don't want to forget
I don't want to let go
Of all the love I have for you
No, I want to fix what we had so that it's never again askew
I want you forever
Unfortunately, I'll have you never
You don't love me anymore
Not the way you did before
Certainly not the way I love you
I guess now I have to pay my due
The price for letting you go
And for telling you no
In that moment what I needed most was your love for me
And for saying no that love will never again be
I got scared and I pushed you away
I never wanted our love to sway
I just wanted you to see past the happy mask to the suffering girl inside
You know, the one I always like to hide
I'm sorry that I pushed you away
With you has always been where I wanted to stay
I hate myself for losing you
Now there is nothing I can do
I pushed you too far and too long
Now the reality is, you're gone
I'm alone now, like I was before
Before that day that you knocked on my hearts door
I willingly gave you the key
Cause I thought you would always stay with me
You knocked down my walls
That kept me apart from so many, and you let me fall
But I lost my chance
I fell alone
I'm still falling in an endless dance
I really want to see you smile
It's been such a long while
I'll never get so lucky as to have you
So moving on is what I have to do
But I can't
Because, Nick, I can't stop loving you
And I never want to

Tell me something
Was I worth it
Am I the one that made your dreams come true
Tell me this love
You say I'm worth it
Then why didn't I get a damn good thing from you
Why is heart ache all you graced me with
Why did I wind up at the edge of a cliff
Alone with no companion by my side
Why did you run and hide
You said you trusted me
You promised to jump with me
Why couldn't you just believe
Just take a leap of faith and be mine
Why'd you have to prove our love wasn't divine
Why couldn't you just trust me
When I said with you I would always be
Why couldn't you have faith in you and me
When I spoke those words I didn't lie
But when you left all I did was cry
I swore to be true
All I ever wanted was you
So now I've leaped alone
And we no longer have a home
And I'm dying inside
With you the wind I'll never ride
You'll never again be by my side
It was all a big lie
You promised we'd leap into the sky
And fly
You never trust me to carry you with my wings
Why couldn't you have faith in all these things
Why couldn't you just have faith in us
Why did you run at the first sight of trouble
Why'd you have to burst our happy little bubble
I trusted you completely
Look what I got out of it
Just an angry fit
I know I lied and I made mistakes
I know you cried and you feel like you payed the price
Well let me tell you there's so much more
Love in me than there ever was before
I waited for you
I swore I would
If you took me back, this time I would be good
I'm sorry we broke up the way that we did
Tell me baby don't you miss me at all
Don't you wish I would call
But no
I know it's foolish hope
And faith in you that killed me
I loved you til the end
I loved you my best friend
So faith is what I had
And now it's all gone bad
Your gone
And I'm forced to move on
So goodnight and goodbye
My friend
I guess this is how our love story ends
Love forever Lady Kay

Romeo I guess this is good bye
And so in these next words I promise not to lie
I waited for you as long as I could
Waiting has done me no good
It has only caused me pain
I'm never gonna be with you again
I'm moving on
You wanted my feelings for you gone
I payed the price when I lied to you
Now it's your turn to pay a due
I'm leaving you behind
My love for you has run out of time
I'm at the edge of a cliff
And I'm standing here stiff
You are far ahead on your own path
And now I no longer feel daft
I'm done letting the pain consume who I am
About you I can no longer give a damn
I wanted you more
Than I have ever wanted anyone before
But now my river of love for you has run dry
And I have no more tears left to cry
I can not hold on to you anymore
Now you have evened the score
I am gone I will be in love with you no more
This is what you wanted
What with me you never should have taunted
Tell me something do you feel whole
Does it make you happy that you finally have control
I would think after all the fuss you made with shutting me out
That having me gone wouldn't bring on any doubt
These words aren't hate
No they are simply fate
My soul mate you no longer wish to be
Now you shall crave my soul for the rest of eternity
This is how you wanted it to end
With me gone, no longer your friend
You wanted to cut me out of your life
All I wanted was to bury the strife
So be happy, you got your wish
I am no longer your faithful fish
I have given up on loving you
Like you always wanted me to
Romeo if you've changed your mind
I'm sad to say now you will find
It is far too late for you to make that choice
Now I have found my own voice
I am no longer plagued by the thoughts of missing you
No for now I have payed my due
Tell me you love me and this is what you shall hear
"It is too late to love me now, dear."
You have pushed me away
And so today
Willingly I flee from you
Away from the pain
I now fly away like a crane
Tell me you miss me
And you shall hear "Leave me be"
I am done with the pain that loving you has caused
Now I move on never again to be paused
This is the sentiment I shall leave you with
This is how I shall end this big tiff
For too long I have waited for you to be mine
I now realize your love for me was never divine
I pulled away for your protection
Now I am trapped by my prevention
I have prevented myself from letting you go
Now I shall forever say no
You hurt me to my core
Now I have evened the score
Goodbye Romeo
Now away from you I go
Fare well sweet dreams to thee my old love
I am now a free dove
I have the freedom to fly away
To use my voice
It is no longer your choice
I am no longer in love with you
And so.
Farewell
Adieu
Juliet

Romeo,
Letting go
I'm stuck in an abyss far away from you
The thing is now I'm a fallen angel
And you are forever apart from me now
I am worthless to you
As I should be
This pain in my chest shall be the end of me
You are in no mans land and there is a barrier i must cross
But with out my wings I fear I will never do so
You must understand I'm fighting to get back in your favor
But at the moment I feel as if I am defenseless and you are holding a gun in perfect position to wound me deeply
In reality I have a weapon to defend myself with
But I can not find it in myself to hurt you
You have me trapped in a corner and I'm waiting for you to release me
I am caged...
Far away
You have the advantage to walk away
I am a small mouse all alone in my life
I have hopeless faith that you love me still
But I know I am a fool
The pain I feel has been increasing slowly
At times it is hard to breathe to survive
I don't know if i can ever be revived
And I'm sitting here crying over stupid spilled milk
And I'm praying without faith that you'll come back to me!
I know it is pointless
I know I'll never get my way
I love you still
I told you I forever will
I'm trying to move on
I'm trying to escape
I pray I can get away!
The thing is we are chained together to a point where I have no release
There is a part of me that longs for you as if you are the beauty and I am the beast
I some how have become the evil in our story
One day I long to be restored to my former angelic glory
Only you will understand this simple verse I have written I will post it in every place that I can so that you can one day see it...
I wait for you....
I always will
Goodbye...
Juliet

when you cry over lost love you may as well die
when you die over lost love it's never worth it cause it was built on a lie
when lie for the sake of lost love you should never have cried you should never have died because that lost love all they deserve is to be lied to and to feel the way they made you feel believe me i know... I learned the hard way how love effects you how it gets to you and when it's real! Never die over lost love because it was never love if you lost it... Never cry over lost love because it was never worth it! And don't you dare ever lie for a lost love cause they a dumb ass for losing you! Lost love is not worth your breaking heart it's not worth your tears it's not worth your protection! It never will be! EVER!

Bébé, tu es mon amour! Mon Nick! Ma chérie Je t'aime beaucoup! Nick aujourd'hui, je suis un an de plus mais cette année est spéciale parce que je vous avez! Jamais dans ma vie je n'ai ressenti cette aimée! Je n'ai jamais ressenti cette adoré! Oh ma chérie, je t'ai juré que je n'aurais jamais vous laisser aller! J'ai été étant sérieux quand j'ai dit que je ne te quitterai jamais woulld! Et maintenant, je vous avez toute la journée! Vous êtes tellement incroyable mon amour! Je vous jure aussi longtemps que je vivrai, je vous aime et vous seul! pour toujours! Je le jure! Maintenant embrassez-moi et ne pas s'arrêter jusqu'à ce que nous sommes à bout de souffle et ne peut même pas penser. Je t'aime ma chérie! Je vous adore mon amour!

Je vous aime Nick tu es mon autre moitié! Je t'aime avec tout ce que je suis! Lorsque nous sommes séparés Tu me manques! J'ai rêvé de toi tous les soirs! Aujourd'hui, je suis un an de plus! Et je vais vous embrasser jusqu'à ce que vous avez à me quitter! Je ne vais pas être vous laisser aller à tout mon amour! Vous êtes bloqué avec moi toute la journée! Et je t'aimerai auberge tous les moyens possibles que je peux!

My baby!  Oh goodness I'm so in love I don't even see my life without him any more!  I think this could be it! :~) I'm in love and I'm loving it! I've had a freaking amazing June and my July pretty amazing too! My birthday's coming up this is crazy!  :~)  I'm on top of the world and nothings gonna bring me back down!  Famous last words I know but this time I know it's right! :~)

Amazing mood!
Love OH Love
I'm on thy hook
I'm just a little fish
In a great big pond
Heart OH Heart
You do not know!
I will never let this Love go
OH my sweet
You make me complete
OH my love
I am your free dove
I smile
I swoon
I wait for you
I wish
I wonder
I always seem to ponder
I love you so much
With all that I am
I love you and I really don't give a damn who's against us or who will doubt
No matter what I will never be without my love for you
It will always ring true!
No matter how far!
There will never be a day when I don't think of you
And all the things we will say and do!
I will FOREVER love you!
You are mine
And I am yours
Don't ever forget
Don't ever regret
I will not ever do either
I will protect and treasure you as long as you are mine
My love for you will forever be divine!
No word alone can define
The love of yours and mine
Forever will it shine
In the heavens and on Earth
Shine
Shine
Shine
I love you
Did you know?
That you will FOREVER be mine!
I'll never let you go
I promise you this now!
Forever will I treasure your fragile heart
I know what it's like to be broken apart
I promise I will never break your heart!
If I do if i did i would never be able to live
It would kill me if I hurt you
I promise you that my words above are true!
Ok I'm done.
And so goodbye!
I love you
Til the day I die!

I'm in such a good mood! :D sigh! I have been so blessed! :D

I tend to love so many people. The thing is only about 1/4 of them truly love me back and out of that 1/4 about 3/4 of them hurt me on a daily basis so. Honestly Idk what to do anymore! It keeps getting harder and harder to love people! My family a lot of different people say that I have the ability to love purely yet they know that and still write me off as if i don't know what love truly is! I am tired of that! I have been in love 3 times! I'm in love now!  And the person that I love loves me back! I may only be a teenager and I may be young but I know people in their 60's who met their soul mate when they were 13! Don't go there saying you don't meet the guy you love when your young yes it may be rare but it happens!  Honestly I really truly love Seth with all that I am and I am sick and tired of everyone judging me for that! :/ sigh... Hope everyone who reads this has a good day and stops making snap judgments about me!
Lady Kay

A small verse first
Thinking of you
As I often do!
Thinking of the way you kiss me
How soft your hair is to the touch
Thinking of how easy it is for you to make me blush
Of your beautiful eyes as blue as the sea
Of your crooked smile
And the way you look at me
Thinking of how I miss you holding me close
And how next time you do I'm not going to want to let go!
Thinking of you
My love
My baby
My sweet
My Romeo!

Almost 3 in the morning can't sleep at all! :/ Thinking about my guy! :) I love him so much! <3 sigh... I really wish I could be in his arms right now! :) I love him so much!  sigh... :) He has no idea... Well I'm planning something at the moment... :)  sneaky sneaky!  Seth if you read this comment if you wanna know.. Not guaranteeing I'll tell but.. You could comment! :) sigh... I love you so much! :) ok... My plan is simple... But I'm not gonna tell! :D  I'm really happy right now even though I know I'm never going to be able to sleep tonight... :/ I am just thinking about Seth!  In the middle of the night while I stay up and do things to entertain me... :D Sigh... 

Love...
It's a difficult thing
It's never easy to love someone
That's what everyone says
However it's easy to love you!
It seems so right
So natural
Just like breathing
I love you so much!
And I only wish you knew!
I know you know I love you
But you don't know how far I would go to keep you forever!
I love you my universe
I will forever and always!
You have helped me be myself again!
You've shown me that I am worth it!
You make me feel beautiful
You make me feel loved
I don't ever want to lose you!
Promise you'll love me forever
And I shall do the same!
I never plan on giving you away!
Never will I let you go!
I caught you
I finally have what I want!
I love you!
When I look into your beautiful blue eyes I fall for you all over again
Those eyes have so many expressions
Aggression
Love
Passion
Truth
Stubbornness
Anger even.
I love those eyes. =)
Baby You are AMAZING!
And as long as I live I won't let you go!
I promise you that!
=)

Smile A poem by Lady Kay
A smile is a simple thing
Something that is not so new.
How ever every time I smile
I seem think of you.
It seems new to me this face expression
I know it's not but still
You make me smile
And I love that
Not just that but all the crazy things you do!
I seem to make you smile too.
I've never had someone who can make me feel this way
I love you so
Oh don't you know?
My last regard for this little verse
I will love you always
You are my universe!

I love you baby! :)

Love a poem by Lady Kay

I love you so much

So much that there are no words.

I don't know what to do

I'm so nervous around you.

You give me butterflies.

You make me blush.

You make me smile

I haven't done those things in a long while

I miss you when we're apart.

I wish we never had to be

I want you so bad

So very bad baby.

Every time we kiss it's like a comet burning in space!'

I'll never find as long as I live another perfect mate!

Oh baby my dear if only you knew!

Oh baby how much I love you!

I love you with all that I am.

Completely, without fail.

Never will I stop as long as I live!

I will love you forever!

Forever and always!

If only you knew how much you mean to me!

If only I could make you see!

I will never stop loving you as long as I live! 

I will always have love to give!

Baby oh baby I hold you so dear!

How I wish I could ALWAYS have you near!

Oh darling my sweet

No love can compete

With that of yours and mine

No love is so Divine!

Good night my darling 

For I shall see you soon.

And when I do I will meet you under the moon

And you will make me swoon like always!

I wrote this for someone You know who you are I will never EVER stop loving you!  I promise you that I will love you with all of me!  I love you with my heart and soul and as long as I live I will NEVER  let you go! :D

People who know me and read this maybe one day you will understand why I love people the way I do.  Why I can't stop loving someone when I start... I know why now!  :)  God has plans for me to use my love for the benefit of others!  I'm gonna be grown up so soon!  And I finally believe that I can do this!  I want to help other people show them what it's like to be loved by God and by others like I am!  :)  I know that I have it tough but there are others out there who have it worse than I do and I want to give them joy! :)  I finally found someone who makes me joyful and I don't ever want to let them go!  :)

Life sucks.... sometimes there is nothing you can do to change or fix the past so.... I guess You just have to move on and let go!

Change a poem by Lady Kay


Life and love are difficult
That much is true
I say life and love are difficult
How about you??
The thing with me is
I always think negative
I need someone around who can help me think positive
You know something strange?
I've just got to say
My friends think I'm perfect
But my ex's say no way
Now the real question is
Why do I care what they reply?
Does it really matter that to them I don't comply
In all reality the answer is no
Well I wonder why don't I think that is so?
Why do I always take things negatively?
Why am I such a downer
Why do I let what others say bother me?
I shouldn't that's the point and that's what I'm trying to change
I'm changing for one reason
And I'll tell you this now.
The reason that I'm changing is because it's good for me
Not just because it's what others in my life want
But because for once
I want to be happy!
You people who read this may never understand
But the thing is I don't need you there holding my hand
This is a poem about what I need to become
It's time I stopped being a bum
I love so many people
Sometimes all the wrong ones
But the thing is I see the good in everyone
The one person I don't think is worth it is myself
And now It's time to start believing what everyone else knows is true
That I am worth it to them maybe even you
So if you read this poem and you think I'm crazy
Thanks a lot
Because it's true
A part of me will always love those people that I've lost
But the thing is I'm still moving on
So here's the point of this little ballad
I'm saying that I'm changing for the good of my self and no one else
I'm not doing this for anyone but me
Because the thing is the people that want me to change
Want it for all the wrong reasons
So I'll go
And through this years seasons
I'll be a better me
Than I have ever been before
And I will learn to be negative no more

Honestly I don't know what I want anymore... It seems pointless really holding on to Jonathan going back to Chris is stupid Idk what to do.. I'm moving on and quite frankly it scares me... I hate this feeling like I'm backed into a corner with no way out... I'm so lonely it hurts... :'(  I just hate this. It seems like everyone else is perfectly content being single.. But I can't stand it because it hurts to know that the reason I am single is because I've had my heart broken twice by 2 people I truly loved.... It hurts like hell! And I feel like the pain is never going to go away! Why can't I just block out all emotion why do I have to be so sensitive and fragile?

Love is difficult.
I tell you this now.
My love is difficult
I guess Oh well.
Goodbye for now
I need to think.
I will love him no more
It's no longer good for me

I have a random question
I hope you can comply
I have a random question
To which I have no reply
I love someone dearly
They love me no more
What should I do now?
I miss him so much 
You have no freaking clue
How do I let my love go?
How I ask of you?
Can you give me an answer? 
To my simple question
Can you help me find a way to stop loving?
Can you please comply
I am very very lonely 
I miss my love
I miss him so
I'm very afraid I'll never be able to let him go
How do I stop loving?  
Is it easy my dear?
I imagine it is difficult
Oh wait that's wrong
I know
It is so
Loving is no easy task
Especially when none is received in return
Life is hard
Love is worse
But it can also be amazing
It was once for me
Will it ever be that way again?
I love him truly madly deeply
How do I just give that up?
I was told once 
That when you find love you should never let it go...
Do I listen to my heart?
Or do I leave that part?
I don't know what to do.
Life is no easy fate
I tell you this now
I can no longer wait
I loved you once
I love you still
How do I make it so I never will?
Help me please.
Just give me a reply.
And I shall try
To never love you again.
And so this is goodbye
I am sad to say.
I still love you my dear 
But you'll never feel the same
No you'll never feel the same way.


Poetry by Marcia Kay Talcott
Written for ANYONE out there who can give me an answer

Tired and sick!  GAH!  Oh well sigh.... thankfully because I''m sick that saved me from having to go to Shift last night.... I don't know what I'm going to do.... Quit Shift or Try it one last time and face Jonathan... :/ Idk if I'm ready to face Jonathan... He's driving me nuts! :/

Sigh... So I have officially decided to quit Jonathan... Everything about him.  Loving him missing him wanting to be his friend waiting for him to start caring just done1  I have embraced the truth that he will never care about me again and honestly I am just done... He keeps hurting me and he doesn't care! he yells at me every time i tell him how i feel... He's really turned into a jerk... So I'm quitting everything about Jonathan!  :(  Sigh... So Yea...

Sigh 4 am and I can't go back to sleep! I miss my favorite friend I am just so sick of this Jonathan bs... I told him off today trying to crush him... But now I feel bad even though I know he deserves it that's not the kind of person I am and now I can't sleep... Sigh... I feel the need to be the bigger person it's who I am... Jonathan if you read this i'm sorry about all the stuff I've been venting about I just can't stand losing you! It sucks! :( Seth if you read this your my favorite friend! :)

Hello fellow bloggers my life sucks... I know some of you probably think that I am Whiney and annoying well this is where I vent so deal with it... I am just so done with younger boys they're so stupid! Sigh... How do I go from being girlfriend to enemy ignored hated I'm just so freaking sick of my stupid ex and his stupid bull shit! All he did while we were in a relationship was take advantage of me in more than one way and he asks me to let him. Continue! I am so sick of this! If you think what he asked is just plain stupid then please comment you may not know me but my one follower does and he knows I don't deserve the bull shit Jonathan puts me through!

doing research on the 1950's for english!  Gah IDK what to research!

I had a really long week end... Sigh I am so tired and wiped out!  :)  Hum... I miss my ex still but I'm learning to cope with it... If only if only sigh... Honestly at the moment I'm not thinking about boys but what I am focusing on is school... I need to get my grades up this is the last school year before I apply for colleges.  :) I'm in a really good mood I have my ipod back and I have it in an otter box defender case.  :)  YEA!  not breakable.  Plus it's blue and pretty.  :) ok I'm done now bye

Falling in love isn't easy.

Falling out of it is much harder.

Currently I am trying to fall out of love... I'm failing miserably!  I fell so hard for Jonathan so hard I haven't had a good amount of sleep in almost 2 months. I can't handle him hating me!  I can't it's killing me!  I've shut everyone out I'm afraid to fall back in love because I know that there is a possibility that I will wind up heart broken again... I don't want to wind up heart broken again. I still love Jonathan he's basically all I thought about today... Then something strange happened another guy popped in my head the guy I like who doesn't like me back... Sigh... :(  I really wish I could just have finished what I was telling him I pouring my heart out putting myself out there but I got crushed...  I hate this... It would be so much easier if I could just get one moment where people think about my feelings before their own!  But no!  No one will give me that!  What I need right now is peace... I love Jonathan I miss him so much!  But I like Jacob and quite frankly even though he doesn't like me back me liking him is helping me get over Jonathan... I just feel like I have no escape from my crazy messed up relational life... Why does this have to be so hard?  It kills me to know that Jonathan doesn't love me anymore to know that he'll never hold me again kiss me again comfort me again love me again look at me like there's nothing better in the world than me... I will never have that again... I hate it!  It kills me!  I can't sleep I just feel like I'm never gonna find love again... All I really want is to be able to say goodbye to him let him go... But he won't even give me that!  :/  And it'd be great if Jacob would give me a second chance but I'm not gonna get that either...

Right now I am pissed!  To tell you the truth I hate promise breakers!  If I pinky promise with someone I NEVER EVER break that promise!  But apparently breaking promises doesn't matter to some people... It's important to me because I grew up on broken promises and a very hard life... I mean My parents got divorced when I was 3 my dad got remarried when I was 7 that relationship and all that came with it was a disaster!  Come on try waking up every morning to someone screaming at you getting yelled at and pulled off the top bunk of your bed at midnight for something you didn't do.  Getting blamed for everyone elses wrong doings and getting the crap beat out of you for no reason.  My life sucks!  You know and the one thing I have always had is my dad.  My mom comes and goes I refuse to let her in any more because she has no idea how to be my mother! My dad is the one constant thing in my life!  He's the only person that's always been there for me... You know I thought Jonathan might be just as good as Dad right up there but man was I wrong... Of course their was Chris but we all knew that our relationship was going to end with either one of us breaking up with the other or us just quitting all together!  Don't ask me why I even tried to get to Chris I have no clue I guess I just saw one part of him that wasn't a back stabbing ass hole of a boy and clung to it but me doing that killed that part!  :/ he's a jerk now!  I really wish he wasn't he really can be nice!  Sigh... This post is just me venting... I just really hate my life right now!  I'm sure people have much worse lives than I do but for me my life sucks!  I'm tired of having a mother who can't keep her promises a family that thinks I'm a spoiled brat who gets everything she wants.  Oh family if your reading this you know what I'm talking about and do you really think I asked to have such a shitty life?!  Hell no I didn't I don't want my life!  I want a life where I'm not judged for my past mistakes and quite frankly you need to let mom have some space her mistake was more than 5 years ago let it go she's changed!  And you know something else I'm bipolar I'm 16 I'm clinically depressed and with out my meds I would turn into a psycho who only thought about killing her self!  You can tell me I don't need my meds all you want but I know it's true and I'm not giving in to your influence!  Sigh... Now I'm annoyed hungry tired and I'm going home and then to rehersal at 5 good bye

Ok so here's how it is... I'm not gonna be able to love someone for a very long time... :(  At least not until I'm more positive happy and over Jonathan.... Sigh... If you're reading this and you know what i'm going through then please someone comment!  I am so sick of just seeing no comment on every single post!  I'm dying for human interaction right now!  Sigh... I need a friend that can sympathize with what I'm going through instead of being bluntly honest and making it worse for me all the way around... Sigh... I don't know how I can even go on but I know that I have to and for me to do that requires focus on something other than Jonathan... I have honestly never loved someone as much as I loved him and now I'm regretting it big time.   But I'm moving on letting go and getting over him because all he cares about is being free I wouldn't recommend dating someone two years younger than you while your still a teenager heck not until you're like 24 and I'm saying this to girls because guys weather you want to admit it at not you develop slower then we do and when your say 14 your developed to the point of being 12... There you go Marcia can be bluntly honest too.  Sigh... Good night friend or foe ex or not. I'm sure he has checked this out once or twice he's probably very curious since I've told him all of the posts are about him which is true pretty much... So Jonathan if you are reading this good night and goodbye I'm fine now but... Never mind you have lots of explaining to do and by no means does me moving on mean you are off the hook... Sweet dreams.

Advice to all girls I know don't fall for someone younger than you ever!  Boys are less mature and wind up being ass holes beware of the younger boy!  I have had my heart crushed!  and now I know why! He likes someone else and he felt the need to make me look like an idiot in front of his whole family!   What's the point?! 

I'm tired and I can't sleep it's going to be a very long time.  I miss my ex and I'm tired.  I hate it when I can't sleep. 

Love is hard

Life is no easier

But God is forever

He Loves with no end

Breathes Life into us all

And saves us with his grace.

I've had a lot to think about lately and quite frankly I just feel like I'm done. I'm tired of letting people do things like this to me get to me turn me into something I'm not.  Tell me if you are one of my many enemies why me?  What did I do to deserve this?  You make my life a living hell by turning the most important people in my life against me.  I mean lets see there Sarah Boos in 6th grade.  Um Chris Bays thank you for that one btw.  And now the guy that I really love Jonathan Gusler.  Why?!  What do you get out of making my life a living hell and ruining the most important relationships I have?  I know not all of you do it but there is a nice little section that does.  You people have no idea how much pain I'm in... I have a lot on my plate.  My family on my mom's side thinks I'm a spoiled brat who gets everything she wants and doesn't appreciate any of it.  I hate that they think that!  Sigh... The one really supportive person in my life is my dad.  I couldn't live with out him if I tried. Sigh.  I have emotional issues problems sigh... The one thing I had was my love for Jonathan and the knowledge that he loved me back.  And now he hates me and I don't know why.  I wrote him a goodbye letter I've decided to let him go because he's never coming back to me.  :'(  I love him so much still and now I have to live with the fact that he hates me!  :'(  I miss him so much... I hate feeling like this like I have nothing heartbroken.  I still don't know what I did wrong and it kills me.  Please if your one of my christian friends and your reading this pray for me.  I need it!  Good night all.  

I am sick and tired of people underestimating me now it's time to teach someone a lesson... People have got to stop bringing out my dark side because i hate being this way but i'm not about to let someone get away with screwing me over... I'm not gonna hurt anyone I'll just do what I always do which is a trade secret not about to announce it on the internet for all to see... But if you read this and your the one who pulled that little stunt on sunday i'll find you.  beware the kitty likes to tear things apart with her claws. :)  don't ever cross me!

Why do people do these things to lead me on pretending to be someone else while i go to that someones house looking like a freaking idiot and feeling like i want to die!

I'm bored I'm tired I'm hungry I'm angry I'm hurt I'm broken I'm lonely I'm alone I'm single I'm in love and I'm in a hopeless relationship!  What the heck do I do now?!  Anyone?!

... :/  So just tired... How was everyone else's day?  Mine sucked!  :/   ... GAH!

Now I know I am officially  alone... sigh I quit trying. I give up. Well I guess it wasn't meant to be after all. well hope everyone has a better day than I'm going to.  

I am now to the point where missing my baby has become painful!  :/  Sigh... Oh well I get to see him in 2 days and then we get to hug and cuddle and such!  :)  :/  I miss him sooo much! :'(  On to better news I'm really excited tomorrow is valentines day!  :)  YEA!  My favorite holiday has finally come and little does my baby know I'm making him a present!  :)  sigh...

Sigh... I hate technology!  :(  UGH!  Sigh... I'm so freaking pissed right now!  I really don't care that he's not talking to me I'm tempted to text my baby and have him calm me down!  :'(  Idk if he'll reply though!  :''(

Sigh... Great mood!  :)  Got to see my mama today!  :)  so much fun!  I love my mama and my daddy and all of my family and friends.  I especially love my baby!  :)  I get to see him on Wednesday!  I'm excited!  I miss him!  Sigh... :/  Oh well Wednesday will be here soon enough and I won't have to worry about him anymore!  :)  I'm in such a great mood!  :)  The only thing that would make it better would be hearing my baby say I love you!  :)  Ok well I'm bored and have lots of homework to do!  :)

In a really good mood and thankful for my wonderful friends!  :)

So all this time I've been freaking out when he is doing the exact same thing I did my freshmen year!  Only I left without a trace.  Yup left the guy that loved me without a trace because I wasn't ready to be in a relationship... He still hasn't forgiven me... Poor Chris... Oh well I changed a lot that summer and I think no not think i know that that is exactly what my baby is going through... However when he comes back I'm not gonna be a jerk I'm gonna be me, Marcia Kay, the real me no more sappy, depressed, annoyed, bitchy Marcia. I'm gonna be sweet, nice, loving, caring Marcia!  :)  I'm back!  seriously... A glee episode made me realize all of this!  :)  I'm so done letting my past control my present and my future it's time to let go and move on!  It's time to stop using my past as an excuse for everything.   I am moving on, keeping positive, and always staying steady with God and hope!  :)
Surprisingly optimistic and happy
Marcia Kay 

Sigh... I'm so freaking CONFUSED!  Sigh... :/ I'm scared at the moment I don't know what to do and quite frankly it scares the crap out of me!  It scares me so much!  :(  I always have a plan always know what to do... What the heck is this?!  If this is what love feels like I finally understand why people always say love is hard!  :/  Sigh.... Still want him!  I don't know if I ever won't want him... Well nighty nighty bloggers.. Sigh... Another day in the life of Marcia Kay.  Confusing, scary, sad, emotional, and just plain weird!

sigh emotional day... Well my life sucks... However I have awesome people in my sucky life and they make it better!

... Saw my ex today... :'(  Makes me so sad cause he held me and told me he needed space... He just doesn't know what he wants... Hey I don't really know what I want in a lot of things but I do know something I want him!  Forever!  I love him so much!  Sigh... If only he knew... If only he knew how much... How much I... Gosh I can't even  put into words what I'm feeling right now... Sigh. I guess what I'm trying to say is If only he knew how much I still care about him!   Well good night all.

Broke up with my  boyfriend on Friday miss him so much... The worst part of falling in love is having to let go... People just don't understand sometimes... :(  I really thought he loved me... It sucks that I was wrong!  :'( sigh... I'm so heartbroken I can't even decipher what's real and what's a dream anymore... Sigh. Back to being single alone and afraid to let go of him!  :'(  It's so hard... Sometimes I hate my life other times I love it... at the moment I'm undecided it's been said that the hard times only make you stronger and that everything happens for a reason. the question is what reason... :/ Sigh lonely sad and well no longer hopeful... Hope everyone else who reads my blog has a better love life than I do...  How do you let go of someone you love?!  Can anyone answer that question?

Hello everyone welcome to my blog.. Never done this before so bare with me here... My name is Marcia Talcott you can just call me Marcia (Marsha) or Marcia K. I Have not had the easiest life but then again my life has been better than other people's in this world.. I grew up with my dad no mom just dad.. I see mom every once in a while... Sigh... Dad married my step mom when I was seven and divorced her when I was 12.. She the closest thing I've had to a mother figure.. Sure I had my mom but she wasn't much of a mom when I was younger she is now and let me tell you something it drives me nuts constantly! :) sigh... Well now to the good part fell in love last year guy wound up being a jerk and cheated on me... Now with someone so much better than my last bf who is still a jerk to me! I love my boyfriend so much and he's not a jerk at all in fact he's sweet and cute and just plain amazing! :) Keep checking my blog my new years resolution was to create one! :)